thank You God

  
The long anticipated semblance to life is starting to form. Grainy at the edges but it’s good enough for now while I watch on with glee like a child who sees a rainbow for the first time.

Yet another coming out affair. How does one come to terms with the things one never knew they needed when they’re miraculously lined up right there. Miraculously, I say. Prayers work, obviously, ‘cos look, there they all are, the things I need.

*smiles*

I quote Morissette, “And life has a funny way of helping you out when
you think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up in your face.”

The lined up things I need, are not blowing up per se but still… it’s nice to know when the things that bug me the most are sorting themselves out. The way He promised they would, in good time.

Thank You God.

it’s my wallet and i can curse if i want to…

I’m not very good at losing wallets.
I’m an expert with losing phones and God knows I have a natural talent at losing them which enabled me to get over losing phones in a single heartbeat ‘cos the shock kinda wore off at the 4th, 5th time..

My heart stopped and without the usual relief I get after each ’scare iris session’, ‘cos this one is for real.

I prayed the entire time as I walked back towards the scene-of-the-crime, half knowing that the wallet isn’t going to be there. It will almost surely be in someone else’s bag. OH WELL.

It IS time for a new wallet, new I/C, new ATM card, new debit card, new velvet card, hang on.. that IS NEW! Not to mention how much blood, sweat, tears and begging we had to go through to get it. *grumbles* DAMNIT.

Then there’s the thick stack of namecards I collected while whoring myself socially at various events/parties over the past few months.
Dear Iris, that’s what the namecard folder is for!!!!!

So, dear wallet pick-up-er…
keep the cash, keep the wallet… gimme back my cards.

Oh God, I will light 200 candles for them.

I know good things and bad things runs in parallel.
They always do… ‘cos this time next week, I’ll be singing.

 

faith

“You can’t be angry with God and not believe in him at the same time.”

Hmmm.

i miss THE dream giver

I live for moments by slipping into phases I will quickly forget ‘cos of my goldfish memory and short attention span but only one thing is constant in these phases… they have to be real, even if it’s only in the moment ‘oos no matter how short the moment may be, they can easily be forever when real.

I got home to offline msn messages popping up all over the screen at startup. Love. Someone I care for deeply wrote me a long, long message and closed with some simple but sweet words. She knows me. Too well, sometimes. Hmmm. Tsk. Damnit. Sometimes I really hate how she knows just which buttons to push.

My books that I have strewn all over my room have FINALLY crammed their way back onto the creaking shelves of my bookcases. No wandwork. I had them back with muggle effort and I am proud to say that they’re nicely alphabetized, again. Woot! Good chi trickling back into my darkly aura-ed life. *smiles*

Dear God, I am ready for any gift you’re waiting to bestow me! *grins*

While packing, I found a book which I never finished reading and have been feeling real bad about for a while now ‘cos it was a gift from a friend. It’s called ‘The Dream Giver’ and yes, it’s one of those religiously motivating books. I need to be tricked into reading books like that ‘cos even on a good day, I’d rather pass it up and re-read a good secular book; one I’m familiar with and can trust. BUT, I’m gonna give it another try. Need a bit of that supernatural motivating lately.

Often at the most random times, I catch myself craving for conversations with God, the kind I had with Him when my religious faith was at its all time high. I often wonder where that fervour has gone to. Those moments I used to have with Him were some of the best, ever. Long quiet walks with Him. Very ‘footsteps’.

That kinda stopped when I stopped singing about/to Him. I was having my morning smoke alone on Vet’s balcony and sang a song I wrote for Him. It’s titled, ‘Loving You is So Easy’. Loving Him is still easy, it’s spending time with Him that’s been difficult. For the first time in 2 years, I felt guilty for not spending time with God. This guilt has taken a while to finally set in.

So tonight, I shall spend some time with my long overdue reading.

For the Bible Tells Me So

 

 

This documentary tugged my heartstrings, hard.

Religion used to be such an issue with me being gay.

Coming from a Catholic family and having to deal with friends who are constantly coming to me, quoting bible verses with tears in their eyes and insist on praying for my sin.

 

Thank God I am finally very comfortable with my sexual orientation to have a personal relationship with Him. This film reinforces my belief that God is a God of Love.

 

Watch it here.

 

I’m going to make all my Bible quoting friends watch this. The way they made me sit through their tearful prayers. Heehee!

 

Jesus loves me this I know

For the Bible tells me so

 

NEED: a piece of heaven

Dear God,  

How can I look into the sky and not be astounded by the beauty of Your creation?
Help me appreciate every sunrise and know that’s Your promise to line my grey clouds with silver linings. 

Thank You.

Love,

Iris

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miss molala… be happy, be gay

The danger of having a singer-songwriter friend is that she may write her next hit song based on the skeletons stashed in your closet. In Molala’s case, her glass closet.
I wrote a song blatantly titled “Juni, you’re gay”.
Written in less than 5 minutes over a video call I had with her.  

This isn’t my Grammy song but it’s a good tit-bit song. (Pun intended) 

So Miss Molala (who decided to call me pillow puff out of the blue *grumbles*), be happy, be gay! Be nice and I’ll send you the mp3.  

Have half a mind of posting it on facebook. *giggles*

On another note. I wanna try to be good.
Really, really good.
Like ‘read the Bible more often, pray more often and probably pop my head into mass more often’ kind of good. 
One of my new year resolutions for this year is to be closer to God than I was last year.
I’ma try to understand the ‘love your enemies’ concept this year.
I will also try to follow the Lenten calendar this year. 

Maybe God will stop putting me on hold and grant me the miracle of owning a gun if I’m good enough.
Dear God, I don’t want a puppy anymore.
I would like a Beretta please.

This is oh so sexy… *drools*
I promise I’ll shoot my enemies ONLY after I’ve prayed for their souls.Oh, I will be good.

The greatest love story of all…

This is my favourite love story of all time – John 3:16

Here’s a video of the one song I can’t sing without choking with tears at the FIRST chorus. 

Why by Nicole Nordeman