change – not

People are not meant to change ‘cos it destroys who they truly are and that, is unattractive.

A similarly twisted friend made me realise that the dark deeds we commit are meant to make the good people look good. So, in retrospect, we help, in our twisted little ways, to make the (boring half of the) world a better place.

Now the conscience sits better. Ah, who am I kidding? I tossed out my conscience ages ago. No one needs that kind of burden. Morals. Pffftt. At this day and age, it’s not really worth it. So… stick to the rules people. The ones you break so well and still look fabulous. La Vie Boheme. 

The hedonistic cynic is back y’all… (New hair and all)

P.S, Moontanning around the island at silly o’clock does weird things to the mind, but I like it.

P.P.S, Plotting evil plans with evil friends puts a smile to my face.

parallel reality

I just updated my twitter which has been much neglected since I discovered the joy in plurking on Plurk with my fellow plurkers. So, after a *counts days* 9 day hiatus, I twittered.

Is it me or are we migrating much of our reality into the cyberspace? There are so many online platforms now to express our multi-faceted nature. I highly suspect that these may be contributing factors to shaping the schizophrenic mind.

Here’s my (shamelessly long) checklist.

For the friends, the games and notes where we spill random tit-bits of ourselves to 300 of our closest friends.

Facebook Fan Page – for the music, more original music.

The original place for the original music.

My playground for the covers and videos.

Where the podcasts are. Though there’s only ONE podcast at this point due to my unsexy scratchy throat; remnants of a bad flu.

 
One public blog and one not so public blog.

Two highly compartmentalized private blogs.

For the random but occasional (hopefully) witty one liners.

I get busy. I do. And that’s not including the IM programs I have running around the clock on my lappie. So tell me, who really has the time to live life out there when our worlds on the world wide web is growing larger by the day?

—

we judge. that’s what we do. in the wise words of mraz, "’cos we’re only human…" this is the sound of me quietly judging you.
                                                                            -Iris Judotter, Twitter
                                                                                            16042009

—

P.S, Doesn’t Catherine Zeta-Jones look exceptionally hot in a chef’s suit?
Hello dyke icon.

craving for a sunset

One day down. God knows how many more to go.
At times like these, I crave for a sunset to escape into.

long overdue?

I received a package from my Mama today. My mama – Janne Lianto is my mom’s younger sister and also my Godma whom I adored as a kid and still love deeply. The package included a letter, 2 VCDs and 2 pictures of me as a kid. One was a picture of me taken at the airport and I was wearing a ‘Tokyo Disneyland’ Tshirt and an impish grin. The other one was taken at a church in JKT with Mom, my sisters, my god sister and a servant who’s been in the family forever. It put a smile on my face when I saw it.

The first thing I did after I got home was to put the VCD into my player and it documented the mass and the burial of my mom’s ashes. Watching it over again 16 years after still brings a sting. It’s almost like she died all over again and we put her ashes into ground all over again.

Dad was crying so hard in that video. It is a nice thought to think that he loved her deeply then. We were so young then, all of us. It is apparent that though time can be a good distraction, it never takes away the pain that death leaves behind. Missing her never gets easier.

In the letter my mama wrote me, she talked about mistakes she made when she was younger and continually in her own words urge me to not make them. Love comes in many ways, her words and this simple care package would have beaten any of the goodies she gave me since I was growing up. I would like to see my mama who’s living in the Netherlands again soon. She is the only mother I’ve got left ya? Maybe I should sit down and seriously plan that long overdue trip.

weddings

Why is it neccessary to congratulate people who are getting married? What’s the achievement here? Is it ‘cos they can finally decide that they shall attempt monogamy, not shag another person other than their legal spouse, is it ‘cos they can put their names down for an HDB flat before they turn 35 with the government dangling newlyweds grants as carrots OR is it ‘cos they can now throw that overpriced dinner party they’ve always dreamed of and have their friends pay for it?

Still, I’ll offer my well wishes to people who are brave enough to take that step of faith. Faith as we all know is believing in something that we’re not sure if it truly exists. So, on the count of courage, passion and a hint of stupidity, I congratulate my married and soon to be married friends. You’ve got balls.

Okay, maybe true love is in the equation too. True love. Another mythical fantasy we all indulge in just so life will not be a bunch of thursdays strung together. *rolls eyes* Yes, yes… marriage can be a celebration of true love. It can be but not always is. More than often this $7 billiona year business is merely a ploy to induce inflation in the economy and in some cases, egoes.

But hey, I’m not saying that people should not get hitched at some point when they feel like we want to. But getting married ‘cos you should is a little iffy.

I would like to get married someday I think… the gorgeous ring, the insanely chi-chi but intimate dinner reception off the coast of some exotic island, the horse-drawn carriage entrance and probably someone I would like to spend an awful lot of time with without getting bored.

 

唉聲嘆氣…

Was telling a friend today about how maybe it’s age but I feel the need to catch up with the things/ people I’ve left behind over time. That would explain how an ex girlfriend and I exchanged phone numbers on Facebook and vowed to catch up soon. Let’s see how well that works out ‘cos I’m SO BAD at keeping in touch.Then there’s that lingering desire to do theatre again. But nah, don’t see that happening anytime soon. I miss it.. but not enough to forsake all that I have at the moment.

Social life is supposed to come to a standstill for the next few days ‘cos I have to write a song for… SAMMI CHENG that’s due on Saturday. Sammi Cheng. Woot. That’s exciting. I was telling Viki how Sammi is why I started writing for the Chinese music scene in the first place. Jean will be excited about this. So… apart from ‘family’ commitments, guy I’ll sleep with, girl I’ve been sleeping with.. everyone else will have to wait till the week is over. Life shall resume then. For now, my heart is with Sammi.

I’m craving for Sammi’s old Cantonese songs.

不想委屈了你 为我医心理

this must die

Life can wait.
Life can be put on hold.
Life can leave its messages on the answering machine this week.

There are other pressing matters that need to be addressed.
A new song, titled ‘This Must Die’ emerged this week.
Everything must die at some point, even this.

an epiphany

I’m waiting for a sign, a vision, a message of some sort.
Something supernatural, some divine direction.
A leak from His secret big book, perhaps?

‘Cos lately, it’s starting to feel like there might be something more to life than it is now. I had an epiphany of some sort when I had my ‘bak chor mee’ today; I need to rethink life, replan life and hopefully, in the midst of all those impossiblities, be given the opportunity to relive life.

Okay, I need to write a song. Now.

(Wow, this must be the first honest entry I’ve written in months that’s not password protected!)

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no rainbows in these skies

 

Magnolia asked me a very important question today.

 

“What does it mean (for you) to be a lesbian in Singapore?”

 

I couldn’t conjure a smart answer even though there isn’t really a ‘right’ answer to this question so I told her I’ll have to think about it. Really think about it.

 

So, I thought about it…

 

Being a lesbian in Singapore for me is being somewhat anti-patriotic, not by choice but by circumstance ‘cos gay people are almost always thinking about fleeing the country (I know I am) opting to be a second-class citizen in a gay-friendly country JUST SO they can be out, loud and proud and be first-class gay people.

 

I love this country where I pretty much grew up and got educated in. I love this city with the excitement (though sadly lacking in variety), the convenience and the social security (minus “selamat boo boo”) it provides BUT there must be so much more to life than this.

 

It’s not about whether they repeal 377A or whether gay people get marriage rights. ‘Cos to be very honest, I don’t think I will care to use that advantage but it’ll certainly be nice to know we can have that option. Yeah, it’ll be nice to know that gay people can choose get married the way non-gay people can choose to get divorced.

 

To sum it up (just like how I told Nicole – the other munchkin), being a lesbian in Singapore is very much like having an unrequited love affair with the country.

 

I love my country, if only it’d love me back.

 

 

This orchid is resolute

With her black and white world

She has decided that there shall be

No rainbows in her skies